Are you suffering from EDS: Eternal Damnation Syndrome?


Folks, have you been saved?

Have you accepted Jesus as your personal savior?

Accepting Jesus as your personal savior is an important moment in the life of God’s children. As the late Reverend Jerry Falwell told us, “if you are not a born again Christian you are a failure as a human being.”

If you fail as a human being you will miss out on the eternal reward that is part of God’s plan for you. Worse, you will be eternally unforgiven and left to the dungeons of Satan who shows no mercy.

Friends, until you come to understand God’s patriarchal order of things, you will remain festered with the EDS infections. As America’s premier televangelist Pat Robertson has declared solemnly,

“I know this is painful for the ladies to hear, but if you get married, you have accepted the headship of a man, your husband. Christ is the head of the household and the husband is the head of the wife, and that’s the way it is, period.”

Mandatory Credit: Photo by Stewart Cook/REX/Shutterstock (9637472bd) Handmaids ‘The Handmaid’s Tale’ TV show premiere, Arrivals, Los Angeles, USA – 19 Apr 2018

EDS can also have fatal consequences if you and your loved ones remain ignorant of the rampant spiritual warfare going on all around us. As the famous Christian warrior, General Boykin declared,

“We as Americans, we as Christians, need to understand that that’s not the enemy that America’s up against. In fact, the enemy that we’re up against is called the principality of darkness, he’s called Satan. We are in fact in a spiritual battle, ladies and gentlemen, more than we are in a physical battle.”

Now please understand – and we say this with genuine self-righteous and condescending love as we hate the sin but love the sinner – Christ Jesus and the Holy Bible are the only one true path to a cure for EDS.

As that wonderful Christian politician, Tom Delay, told us,

“Only Christianity offers a way to understand that physical and moral border. Only Christianity offers a comprehensive worldview that covers all areas of life and thought, every aspect of creation. Only Christianity offers a way to live in response to the realities that we find in this world — only Christianity.” —-House Majority Whip Tom DeLay [R-Tex].

If you are not yet a born again Christian, you have EDS which is a spiritual disease with fatal consequences.

But you can act now!

Call the number on the screen or drive out Rapture Road to the Forever Saved Evangelical Megachurch, where we have the antidote to EDS and are selling it at a reasonable eternal price.

We will provide for you from our formula pulpit all you need to know to protect yourself and your family from the terrible consequences of untreated EDS.

We will dose you with scripture. We will throw the Good Book at you because we know that the Bible is perfect, free from error and that includes the wonderful revelations of true science and history of our young 6000-year-old planet.

We will assure of the literal existence of Adam and Eve, not Adam and Steve (yuck yuck, that’s a joke son). We will explain how they tripped over the simplest trap God could set and left us all divinely cursed forever with EDS – unless you let us help you dose yourself with the antidote.

We will show you how God and Noah saved the dinosaurs even though all Noah had was his humble God-designed ark.

We will teach you of the Eternal Godhead who has revealed himself as ONE God existing in THREE persons and you will better understand who is behind the plan to punish you eternally from EDS if you do not repent.

We will tell you about the Lord Jesus Christ, or as we like to refer to Him in our scriptural tone of voice, “Christ Jesus,” who waits for you to appoint Him as your savior and start the healing flow of intravenous spiritual atonement that will eradicate that pernicious EDS from your Edenic-cursed body.

You don’t have to do anything to be cured of EDS except believe in faith after you’ve paid for our product by promising forever the first ten percent of all money that ever falls into your hands.

Eternity doesn’t come cheap and we have advertising and logistical expenses to meet as we dispense with the cure to EDS.

Once you’re into the pay cycle, Jesus has done the rest and you will be able to strut confidently through the remaining steps of your life, knowing that your future is set, safe, secure and a done deal.

Brothers and Sisters, we will reveal to you the sanctity of marriage and explain how nobody ever got married before God gifted the Jews and later the Christians with the irrevocable patent and ownership of all marriage contracts.

Curing yourself of EDS is vital in order that you not be a failure as a human being.

We believe in the One God but are worried about Satan and His Judgment. We also believe in the reality and personality of Satan and the eternal judgment of Satan and his angels (again Satan is not a God even though we treat him like one.)

So stand up, gird up your loins and take for yourself the helmet and shield of trust in someone else’s magic.

Act now and we will double your dose of the cure and include the complete set of Left Behind novels so that you will have a better picture of what happens to those who never cure EDS.

Call now … shysters are waiting to help you.

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The foolishness of the biblical literalist politician isn’t biblical at all.

I thought that when it comes to the worst of terrorism, the trigger word was “Islamofascist,” not “homosexuals and homsexuality.”

What kind of doofus word is islamofascist?

Seems to me that only crowd that worships that word are the same ones who themselves want to use violence and exclusion as their practice of an imperial form of brotherly love.

How about “Christiano-Fascist” for the Kindergarten Christians who are giving politicians and preachers foolish talking points? This is where you find yourself stuck in the Chapel of the Kindergarten Religion and a preacher is throwing the BOOK at you.

Or you are at a political gathering listening to someone you believe was placed in office by God. When one or the other (or both) declare in their most powerful and nuanced voice that homosexuals and homosexuality is more of a threat to the United States than terrorism, you must remember who you are.

Remember that The Father is watching. We are all falling sparrows. And none of us fall far from the Tree.

If it is in your heart that the Father has approved of such a bigoted declaration or if you have been taught that the Holy Spirit prompts, leads and guides every sermon and political utterance from the born-again, then you belittle The Father with your assumptions.

Take the following advice from Hebrews’ 5th Chapter:
… those put in charge of things pertaining to God on behalf of the flock absolutely have to deal gently with the ignorant and wayward. This because they themselves are subject to weakness.

They who talk to you of making sacrifice for your sins must make sacrifice for their own as well.

One does not presume to take the honor of speakership but only when called of God, as was Aaron. This of course means that the same sense of calling that aroused your preacher is a sense you yourself are fully capable and able to experience.

… unless that is hard for you to understand about yourselves and you lack the personal faith needed to do so.

Many have become dull in understanding – lazy even – and have given away too much personal will to preachers of kindergarten talking points. By now you ought to be teachers yourselves rather than lazy Christians who go to meeting and let someone else do all the talking.

Perhaps you are one of those who need someone else to teach you again the basic elements of the oracles of God.

Perhaps you believe that the shallowest among you who nevertheless are able to memorize verses are the most justified because The Father places the highest regard on they who memorize the most.

If you regard yourself a spiritually mature rather than a spiritual infant, are not such preachers the least able to respond to your need for milk? 

They encourage you to believe that you are receiving solid food. You must however pay attention. 

They preach to you as if you were still infants, unskilled in the word of righteousness.

If the best your preacher or your pious Christian politician can do is to declare that homosexuals and homosexuality is more of a threat to the United States than terrorism, perhaps you’d best understand this.

They who say such stuff still need milk themselves.

Solid food is for the mature; those whose faculties have been trained by practice to distinguish good from evil.
That’s what it says in Hebrews 5.

I found it there, figured it out and believed it before any milk-needer could tell me that my conclusions are not “biblical” … whatever that means.

Rapture Road: The freeway to political and civic ruination.

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Fundamentalism… making sure than actions of mortals have not violated the rules by which heaven and earth are governed … a performance-based religion.

The fundamentalist “cosmology” of heaven has always included an “exclusive-club-with-rules” assumption.  In God’s fundamentalist kingdom, there is some sort of administrative code from which, by which and through which God works his mysteries. God is assisted by note-taking angels making sure than actions of mortals have not violated the rules by which heaven and earth are governed. It’s this supposed administrative code that is the basis for most conformity-driven theology.

When a significant block of such literal-minded religious voters sway an election, what are the consequences by which all citizens must accept? The answer is a life that to a certain degree requires submission to the notion that God is anal-retentive and overly invested in the most minute details of conformity. Such a God is not unlike the leader of a group of ten-year-olds who formed a club and made him president and rule watcher.

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Truth be told, the divine autocrat beloved of authoritarians is not real. Whatever the great beyond and higher existence looks like, it ain’t that. Churches that encourage belief that heaven is the destiny and reward toward which one directs a life of accumulated accomplishments are known as performance-based religions.

I will tell you why the wisest vote will and should be opposed to candidates and programs espoused by performance-based religions. These believers incorrectly assume that God is in fact a respecter of persons, has favorites and will demonstrate a punitive divine righteousness in support of those who support the tyrant.

In America it is okay that you live by the Constitution and your civic understanding of an organized society. One does not place one’s hand on the Constitution and swear to uphold the Bible.

Thomas Paine said, “my mind is my own church.” He was opposed by the preachers and authorities of organized religion who refused to accept the notion that a man’s supposedly unorganized mind constituted a better place to worship the Divine than the temples and churches decorated with the accoutrements of someone else’s magic masquerading as true religion.

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The fundamentalist Christian equivalent of the non-religious American Constitution is nothing more than systematic theologies, doctrines and programs that pattern a way of imagining god and god’s reality. Although entirely lacking proof in any physical or spiritual form of such a realm organized after the pattern of 19th-century reality,  a host of early American prophets, evangelists and circuit-riding preachers asserted in creatively imagined and described forms the notion that the ultimate truthfulness of the spirit world is based on performance and worthiness.

This imagined reality, consistently asserted over more than the past two centuries,  is why most believing biblical literalists easily and perhaps without much critical thought –  buy into Church legalism.

It becomes almost second nature to accept the idea of an over-controlling detail-obsessed God who seems much after the pattern of a controlling parent or lover. Uncritically, as an act of faith, devotion and obedience, many sincere believers interact within their circle of belief that humans are so imperfect that God created religion by which that Male Patriarch could – in a loving but domineering manner – thrust into our lives guidelines for living. Such guidelines almost casually become laws or, better said, doctrines “irrevocably decreed” which the children of said God are expected to follow.

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The god-talk reflected the chosen circle as well as the rest of the world imagines a god of guidelines; a deity who demands strict adherence to doctrines and the notion that obedience is elevated at the expense of agency and that the highest spiritual approval in life is nothing more than an experiential pat on the head for being an obedient child.

Almost casually, most believers apparently see no reason to challenge the idea that the God and Father of Obedience placed humanity on the garden earth with something uglier and meaner than a mere request that the children eat no fruit of the wrong tree.

The God and Father of Obedience created a world abundant with the fruits of creative activity. Let’s make a brief and incomplete list of the performances – or in some cases, negative performances – that the children of God are expected to do … or not do …

A performance based religion puts bans on what are perceived to be inappropriate things. These bans become “laws of the Church” which by implication become “Laws of God” which are viewed than as Irrevocably Decreed and upon which a worthiness- obsessed God grants rewards.

In a performance-based-religion, members are banned from inappropriate music, television, movies, books and other literature. Freedom of expression in art, music, and other forms of entertainment are seen as risks that may cause the Father to stop attending the disobedient.

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In a performance-based-religion certain food and drink products are banned and seen as the causes of risks that the Father will stop attending the disobedient.

In a performance-based-religion the Father wands strict adherence to dress and personal appearance codes the rejection of which creates a risk that the Father will stop attending the disobedient.

In a performance-based-religion scriptures become the means and tool that can be utilized to effectively stand in for a lack of contemporary legitimate on-going revelation from the God who started everything eons ago by speaking directly to his children. Scripture then becomes the weapon that confronts those who challenge would-be prophets.

“Pick up the sacred books of your religion, look for passages supporting your values, and adapt them a little to your liking. Then highlight their importance in the overall balance of the religion, and conveniently forget all those other unsavory passages that either downright contradict your values or support behaviors and attitudes that don’t fit with your inclinations. 

Rather than having the guts to admit what they are doing and openly defend their right to pick and choose the passages they want to live their lives by, most people prefer hiding under the fable that their particular take on religion is the only correct one. All other people who put the accent on different messages and values contained in the same scriptures, they claim, are heretics who are twisting the essence of the religion. If this strikes you as intellectually dishonest, it’s because it is.”  -Daniele Bolelli, Alternet

In a performance-based-religion, the very Father of Obedience – who has become in fact a Father of Conformity – does not speak to His church except through the voices of those who declare that the same silent Father has established in this  performance-based-religion the only right means to salvation.

The Father of Conformity either refuses or is unwilling to justify or explain how such an exclusive-means-to-salvation system and circumstance is equally fair and just to every other human being on the planet.

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In a performance-based-religion the Father of Conformity has authorized the use of emotional guilt, intimidation, thought control and coercion to keep members in line. He is also seen as justifying guilt-ridden sermons and lessons designed to push believers into submitting to the authority of the leadership without question or criticism. Failure to respect the leadership creates a risk that the Father will stop attending the disobedient.

In a performance-based-religion the Father of Conformity has authorized the use of the theory that people should spend long hours at the Church and do work in the Church in order to gain rewards in heaven. A bureaucracy has been created at all levels in order to engender, monitor and “lovingly” coerce this sort of working participation which then becomes the standard by which member spirituality is measured and recognized.

The same bureaucracy becomes then a powerful instrument for limiting criticism and dissention through emotional and spiritual abuse by perceived authority and endorsement by the Father of Conformity.

One can make a case the some of those driven off are at least temporarily not prepared to deal with life and society in a manner that is free from long-internalized judgmental and narrow notions.

The gentle but rigid church programming involves and in fact revolves around forms of guilt and coercion. Within the church as well as among those driven off there is a danger of low self-esteem that causes essentially unreasonable reactions to the church itself.

Repentance becomes much more than returning to God, it involves returning to the mind set  from which one has fled in desperation. This is not unlike a battered-wives syndrome where one consciously returns to a life at home with a mean and unrepentant drunk who will continue business as usual.

There is a genuine tragedy when one feels driven off from the clan or out of the tribe  because like an enormous and ominous dark tower, the church rises in the background or even the actual center of the tribal village,  thrusting itself with impunity into the middle of family relationships to which it has no moral or God given right to interfere.

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Members are forced to choose between church and family. The Father of Conformity has said nothing about why this circumstance is a positive fruit by which that Father is known among the children of men. The either-or attitude may only be a perception of those driven off when the rest of the family remains inside the righteous but unseen walls of church conformity, but the church does little or nothing to address that very  family estrangement of which the church and it’s self presentation is the principle cause.

Limited serenity that comes from separation from the direct and immediate sources of emotional pain still feels like something much better than the rigidly inflexible  cauldron of conformity whose principal legacy is misery.

… and of course a false god …

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