Lesson 1: On Children and the Feudal Family Model

Family.

I consider that the term “family” refers to the natural Family of Creation. The natural family includes its invisible and visible aspects:  rocks, plants, animals, and humans, each of which  has its own unique consciousness that obviously enables the sacred creation in which we live  to function as a harmonious whole.

If there is something we might call “intelligent design” then the sacred creator which I have come to refer to as Wisdom is whom we call upon for help. In my experience I can only conclude that Wisdom functions on the basis of Harmony. Wisdom serves us best when we recognize our correct place in the Whole. We err when we assume that we are somehow more “special” and – even if only subconsciously – we adopt demanding and presumptuous attitudes about our worth and stature in Wisdom’s scheme of things.

What about the demanding and presumptuous attitudes? Wisdom’s help comes to anyone who asks for it regardless, but when we believe that help comes from something other than Wisdom, i.e.  a clan God from a clan that listens to a supernatural source that plays favorites we inevitably think of ourselves as undeserving or worse yet – unworthy – when the clan God talks to fellow-citizens but not to us.

The natural human family contrasts with that defined by the collective spiritual-minded  society which employs believers to insert a false mental program, or mindset, into the psyche of children. The natural human family has the function of providing the correct environment for the child while he is being reared; including the avoidance of demanding and ego-feeding assumptions.

By the way, a definition of the natural family is not limited to any notion of marriage or a supernatural-endorsement of “one man and one woman” proclamation that suggests a supernatural decree that there is only “one true way” to build and raise a family. The natural family can refer to whoever it is in a child-rearing environment, whether it be an orphanage or single parent household, or adoptive parents, regardless of gender. There are no character differences between the genders.

The natural function of the parents, throughout their child’s infancy, is to care for him, and to ask Wisdom, not some other human mind, for help for all the needs of the family. Beyond infancy, the parents’ function is to recognize the innate abilities of the child, and give space to grow. Children’s abilities must develop in a psychic atmosphere that shelters them from the pressures of any collective social group whose philosophy is based on their own or other flawed human assumptions.

Natural families are to teach the child that the families themselves are not the source of love, help and nourishment, but the vehicle through which these gifts flow to the child  through the will of Wisdom – which is in mortal terms the real Mother and Father of the child.

As Gibran wrote:

Your children are not your children.
They are the sons and daughters of Life’s longing for itself.
They come through you but not from you,
And though they are with you yet they belong not to you.

You may give them your love but not your thoughts,
For they have their own thoughts.
You may house their bodies but not their souls,
For their souls dwell in the house of tomorrow,

which you cannot visit, not even in your dreams.
You may strive to be like them,
but seek not to make them like you.
For life goes not backward nor tarries with yesterday.

You are the bows from which your children
as living arrows are sent forth.
The archer sees the mark upon the path of the infinite,
and He bends you with His might

that His arrows may go swift and far.
Let your bending in the archer’s hand be for gladness;
For even as He loves the arrow that flies,
so He loves also the bow that is stable.

 

Natural families must also teach that when they are not present or available, the child  can inwardly ask Wisdom for any help, love and nourishment needed. They also teach that they are NEVER cut off or abandoned by Wisdom, whose love is true and at no time has ever been conditional. Finally, the natural family has Wisdom’s calling to let go more and more as the child learns to trust his or her own connection with creation.

Natural families must be firm in the face of pressures from the collective spiritual-minded community. It is the parents’ job to make the child aware that all guilt, fear, threat and flattery come from a mere human society with the purpose of making the child feel inadequate, on the one hand, and special on the other.

Natural parents must ensure the child learns to think critically and to acquire a large bottle of salt grains. They must make the child aware that feeling special prevents one  from listening to true feelings; that feeling inadequate makes one forget that Wisdom’s help is available. Wisdom – the Creator – exists in the presence of every person, and  whenever one believes oneself to be in trouble, ask Wisdom to come and help.

Natural parents, through not regarding themselves as superior, and treating themselves with respect, teach the child respect for oneself, and support a sense of equality, fairness, and respect for others. The parents also must persevere in helping to keep the child free from taking literal projections, threats and criticisms that others might put upon him. In sum, the family setting, as defined above, is meant to be a setting in which the uniqueness of each member can develop and find expression without any feelings of inferiority or fault.

In and of itself then , the natural family is the setting that prepares the child for a future personal love relationship. The principles of relating that is learned in the natural family  environment can lead to a respecting of the personal space of a love partner. When the love relationship is not based on this respect, its duration is at risk.

There is a contrast, something I’ve perceived and come to describe as a “feudal” model of the family. Such a family is held together by the loyalty and endurance mostly of the  wife and mother, whose place is within the house. The husband’s role is to  be the family “face” and “facade” in all outer relationships. He is more but not entirely in charge of a strong authoritative need in the parents to instill the values of the collective spiritual community in the children. The children are taught that the loyalty they owe to their parents, right or wrong, is to be carried over to a “feudal prince,” or in modern terms, the supposed chain of authority starting with parents, then to church, community, nation, (as in the expression “my country, right or wrong.”)

Thus, the family may be regarded as “society in embryo,” where the sons and daughters are to learn the societal roles they are expected to take later on, and to which they are expected to sacrifice themselves by putting aside whatever feelings they have that do not fit into the roles.

This feudal model of the family is still in practice in modern, hierarchically organized societies throughout the world. The term, “feudal prince” may be easily replaced by institutions such as colleges, government, corporations, and most especially churches as those entities to which a person presumably owes his loyalty.

Why?

Because they have gradually assumed authorizing powers, and because the individual have been programmed to believe they are the only sources of protection. Such “feudal lords and ladies” have taken on the function of authorizing individual existence, individual worth and forced purpose into group purpose.

An important part of conditioning within the “feudal family” is to prevent the children from questioning the fundamental premises and taboos on which the institutions of the collective ego are founded. To this end, feudal the parents must train the child to suppress any awareness of contradictions between what is said and what is inwardly felt to be true.

The poorly -trained child grows to adulthood having gradually learned to substitute the shoulds and oughts of the collective for real inner truth.

Let’s talk a moment about authority.

Since the natural family is where the children learn language, and comes to understand  the crucial role of language in a maturing circumstance. Children then start out mentally, spiritually and emotionally  healthy.

In the feudal model of the family, parental “authority” is taught to be paramount. If the authority is strong enough, then the societal roles assigned to each individual will be enforced. All hierarchical social orders must stress this need for authority over the individual in order to maintain their dominance.

However, when one’s words have substance, they call things by their true names and not words and phrases that confuse the natures, meanings  and functions; or even turn them to their opposites.

For example, if a child is taught that his/her existence is something owed to parents, something vital may never be taught, let alone realized: a child, once born, is Wisdom”s  gift to the parent to whom the child does not owe his/her life.

The worst spiritual notions parents can teach a child include any theological notion of how existence occurs, where existence comes from and superficial and silly ideas about what Wisdom’s creation has as purpose.

Teach a child have to regard his nature as defective and you harm the child’s growth and ultimate maturity.

Teach the idea that a child is born with original fault, or sin and you harm the child’s growth and ultimate maturity.

Teach that a child’s animal nature is the source of evil, or, put another way, natural man is an enemy to God, and you harm the child’s growth and ultimate maturity. This particular belief is the basis for the suppression of the child’s true nature and its replacement by the abstract virtues and disciplines promoted by an ignorant and presumptuous spiritual collective thinking. Many adult neuroses have their origin in notions put on them in their early family life.

Within the feudal mindset, I believe it is a learned attitude to shove personal accountability in the direction of others who had been the pretended cause of one’s misfortunes. Unfortunately parents who were also brought up within this mindset are unaware for the most part,  of even the possibility of any other way of relating. Inasmuch as they did not listen to the prodding of their inner own truths, they risk creating a similar fate for their children, ignorantly thinking it’s the best way even when confronted with their accountability.

The truth is that Wisdom  naturally and easily helps keep the house in order through giving clarity and enabling contact with our inner truth. The Creator is the helper that watches over the borderline between the subconscious and conscious mind, so that we  do not get overwhelmed by elements of falsehood in portrayals of life as it really is.

Children need to be earnestly taught to rid themselves of the idea that they need to be authorized in thoughts and actions by an outside authority. This idea has deprived them  of the ability to feel inner truth and to act from it.

A person who has grown up in an authoritarian structure is rarely taught that while the Creator knows everything, it does not use its knowledge to intimidate or belittle those it teaches. When it comes to spiritual considerations of life, the watch words ought to be “fear not.”

No mortal can protect you from any spiritual “infidelity” because such infidelity – with its attached penalties does not exist.

 

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Author: Arthur Ruger

Married and in a wonderful relationship. Retired Social Worker, Veteran, writer, author, blogger, musician,. Lives in Spokane, Washington

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